Sexuality: 50% straight. Maybe like 47%.
Sexuality: [awkward shrug] [noncommital grunt] [avoidance of eye contact]
Sexuality: Heterosexual* ((*terms and conditions may apply))
Sexuality: Depends on the phases of the moon and the positioning of the stars
Sexuality: That is an excellent question. [strokes chin] [peers contemplatively into the distance] Freddie Mercury was born in September of 1946…..
Sexuality: I am exclusively attracted to the sound of money being rubbed together
Sexuality: [Opening crawl text in the beginning of every Star Wars movie]
Sexuality: In a spectrum of heterosexuality on one end and homosexuality on the other, I am floating somewhere in the vicinity of your favorite childhood memory.
Sexuality: [sneezes fourteen times in a row, makes you uncomfortable with repeating your bless you’s but also uncomfortable with ignoring the sounds, forces you to leave the room]
Sexuality: I am four tablespoons of queer in a medium glass of hetero. It doesn’t matter though because I dropped the glass years ago and stepped on a shard and had to excuse myself indefinitely. The glass is not empty. The glass simply is not there. Watch your step.
Sexuality: Overly complex and not entirely accurate analogies
Sexuality: I probably would not date an inanimate object??
Sexuality: [opens mouth] [theremin music begins to play]